Letting Go of the Almost-Forever

Some days are harder than others.

It is hard accepting the fact that it didn’t work out between me and Sludge. It has been hard to wrap my head around the idea of us just… not working out.

He was my home. He was my best friend. We were a family.

But at the end of the day, I deserve to be chosen entirely. I deserve to be loved out loud in a way that makes me feel safe.

Looking back on my relationship with Sludge, I can see that I was a shell of myself in some ways. But when I was in the relationship, I also felt the most like myself because he helped me break away. Every day, I felt closer and closer to who I really was.

As I reflect on our relationship, I can see that he was kind, gentle, loving, and patient. He was my soulmate, but I do not believe in just one soulmate. I believe he served his purpose in my life, and now I have someone who is ready to come in and give me everything I have prayed for.

But my head still keeps slipping back to Sludge.

We were a family, and it has been a constant battle with my own mind because I know he showed me what it felt like to be loved the way I deserve, even though it didn’t work out.

I am scared to go into something new, even though this seems like everything I have prayed for. Letting go is hard for me.

Going into the unknown is always scary. It is easier to settle for things that do not serve us because they are familiar. But there is so much beauty in the unknown because that is where we find ourselves. That is where we learn. That is where we grow.

Sludge checked off 80% of my checklist, and I was not focused on my career or my growth because I was so locked in on the fairytale.

Right before we called it quits, I told God I wanted it all.

I wanted the perfect happily ever after. I wanted the fairytale. But I also wanted Him to use me. I wanted Him to move through me in my career.

And then we broke up.

It felt like He crumbled the ground beneath me.

Some days, it feels amazing. Some days, I can’t help but reminisce on everything that once was. And that is okay because ultimately, I land at the same truth every time:

I am right where I need to be.Everything is working out for me.I do get to have it all.

So I am surrendering to God. I am existing in the present and letting all the good things flow to me, because they do flow to me.

Literally, I have a whole list of everything I want in a partner and husband, and out of the blue, this guy walked in.

It is still very early, but I feel a little scared because he feels like everything I asked for. I am scared to walk into the unknown, not because I am afraid of what the future holds, but because I am scared to let go of comfortability and enter into this next chapter.

I wanted to share this because I feel like so many people can relate to the feeling of clinging to something or someone who no longer serves them.

I am here to say that it is okay to let go.

It is okay to jump into the unknown, even when it is scary, because the more we cling to our past, the more we block our blessings.

And I am literally preaching to myself right now.

I mean, this guy checks so many boxes for me, and yet I still want to cling. That is human nature. But I am able to see it, and so are you.

So maybe it is time to let go and trust.

Trust that everything is working out for you, because it is. Have the inner knowing that God, the universe, Source, whatever you choose to call it, is working everything out and laying the stepping stones in front of you.

Because it is true.

Once you learn to let go and dive into the unknown, you will become accidentally magic too.

Are you ready?